The Pardon
by CMCity
Summary: Finding Ian Doyle is one problem; the other is preparing for Emily's return. It won't be easy to forgive her, nor JJ, nor Hotch, but they must do it, for Emily's sake. Hotch will make sure of it. A team and Hotch story set at the beginning of Season 7.
1. Chapter 1

Note: this story was first published in the summer of 2011, but I needed to correct some typos and make other corrections, which I finally managed to do now. (January 1st, 2012)

Warning: Spoilers for most of Season 6, including the last episode.

Here is how I would bring back Emily Prentiss/Paget Brewster's character into the picture, i.e. resolve the Ian Doyle storyline. When the truth about Emily comes out, the fact that JJ and Hotch kept this huge secret from the team will be difficult to forgive and this could threaten the solidarity of the team and the trust in Hotch's leadership. So, I try to make it easier to forgive him in this story. I suspect forgiving JJ won't be as hard, or only an individual's problem (Reid, for example, may feel more betrayed by her than the others).

To lighten my story, I have Ashley Seaver gone already. This is my first fanfic story. It was not beta'ed, and French is my mother tongue, so I apologize in advance for the (occasionally?) poor grammar and would welcome feedback, corrections, advice... of any kind.

This story follows the canons of the TV series, no slash, just a team and Hotch-centric story. I rated it "T" because I don't think Criminal Minds is for young children and called it a 'Drama/Friendship' story, but it could be called a 'Suspense' too, I suppose. Again, you're invited to comment and offer advice of any kind. Thank you!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the copyrights to Criminal Minds and its characters. I do not profit from borrowing them temporarily for my own pleasure. Hopefully, some people will also share in this pleasure, as I invite them to read the following story:

Quote: "Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself." - Ausonius

TEASER:

Washington, D.C.'s wet streets are glistening in the darkness. It is very late as Clyde Easter's car rushes past the few motorists still up on a September weeknight. He and his assigned body guard are both tired, but alert and ready for any unusual or ominous event during the drive. Easter knows the dangers of coming back to Washington, of possibly revealing his presence while Ian Doyle is still out there, but he has been careful, keeping mobile, and taking all precautions to stay a step ahead of Doyle and his men.

It has been almost six months since Doyle disappeared after losing several members of his gang and 'killing' Emily Prentiss that decisive night, and Easter is quite aware that he's the only name left on Doyle's 'payback list'. He and his colleague never stay long in one place, and tonight is no different. The loft that will be their home for the night was selected only forty-five minutes ago, courtesy of the State Department.

As they approach the entrance to the underground garage of their building, Easter slows down, makes a turn, and triggers the signal for the automatic gate to open. Within a few seconds, his car pulls into the garage.

Unexpectedly, a dark SUV rushes in through the gate, tires screeching on the concrete. A second car appears following closely the SUV, but stops at the gate, forcing it open, and Easter and his man realize they are in trouble.

THE NEXT MORNING

Hotch is reading from a sheet of paper at the breakfast table, as he and Jack are finishing their morning meal.

"It says, here, that you're having a fire drill this morning at school. You remember, Jack? It's like what we rehearsed, here, a few months ago: what we must do when there's a fire?"

The boy looks up to his father, nodding his head while chewing on his food.

"There will be a lot of noise when the alarm rings, then all the students will be asked to follow the instructions from their teachers, and you will all leave the classrooms in order and go outside... There will be nothing to worry about, right? Just paying attention to the adults and doing as they tell you..."

"Okay, dad" replies Jack. He swallows the last bite on his plate.

"Okay. Go wash up, we've got to go" says Hotch as they both get up. His cell phone rings and he quickly answers after seeing that the caller's id is blocked.

"Hotchner... Yes, I've contacted my team; we're meeting in a couple of hours... Okay. Yes, let me know..." He holds still for a moment after hanging up, pensive and concerned about all that is going to transpire in the next hours and days, wondering if _all of_ _this _might finally be over... soon.

* * *

><p>Rossi is on the phone, sitting at his desk in his BAU office, a concerned look on his face.<p>

"No, I have not discussed this with our unit chief, yet, but I'd like to do it today. So as soon as you can confirm the budget cuts can be cancelled, I'd love to hear from you... It's never that simple... Yes, I understand... I appreciate all your help. Let me know if I can return the favor..." He smiles at the answer he receives and slowly hangs up.

A month ago, Rossi cleverly orchestrated JJ's return to the BAU, despite threats of budget cuts and during Chief Strauss' leave of absence. After the initial celebrating by all the members of the team and the grateful public appreciations he received from both Hotch and JJ, the reality of the job cuts remained. Agent Ashley Seaver offered her resignation a week later and it was accepted by Hotch. The recent graduate from the academy had received other job offers, and though none was as interesting as the BAU, she felt that being the last addition and least experienced member, she could not hold on to her position on the team and force someone else out.

Her departure has since helped the situation, but Rossi feels he needs to do more: the pressure on his boss to reduce costs has not lifted; that much he knows despite Hotch's attempts at dealing with the problem by himself. While Rossi believes he's finally found a way to evade the cuts, he is also worried that he's running out of time: Hotch has been delaying making a decision for two months, but he cannot put it off much longer. It's probably why he called them here this morning when they were all due to take a day off, at home. Rossi is determined to talk to Hotch before their meeting starts, now that he thinks he can offer his friend another option.

In the bullpen just outside his office, the team is gathering one by one around Reid's desk, expecting to head for the meeting room at any moment. Reid had initially thought he had arrived early for the meeting, but then noticed that Hotch and Rossi were already in their respective offices and both on the phone. So, for the past half hour, he's been sitting at his desk, monitoring Hotch through the open blinds of his office window: the man continuously answers or makes calls, while rapidly pacing back and forth in his office. _Something is up, and it's not budget cuts._

JJ and Morgan have now joined Reid in observing their boss, whose frantic pacing is giving away more than his eternally serious expression. Morgan and Reid cogitate in silence, quite intrigued, while JJ seems to be determined to not express any interest, and is looking almost annoyed at her prying colleagues... until she is distracted by Garcia, as the technical analyst loudly enters the bullpen and hurries to join them and give JJ a warm shoulder squeeze.

"Good morning my lovelies! I did not expect to see you here today, you just got back yesterday! Why are we having a meeting this morning?" she asks JJ.

"Yah, we've been away for ten days, we deserve a break," adds Reid. "How come Hotch called us in for 'a meeting'? Not another case already?"

They are all looking expectantly at JJ, but the young agent is busy watching Rossi exit his office and approach the group.

"Are we having our meeting out here?" Rossi enquires, hoping his absurd question will encourage them to move on to the meeting room and give him a chance to talk to Hotch in private.

JJ ducks all their questions and points to Hotch who is exiting and closing his office door: "We were waiting for Hotch; he was on the phone..." The ring of Hotch's cell phone interrupts her.

"Again?" exclaims Morgan, exasperated. Hotch apologetically waves at them from the landing as he answers his phone, yet one more time. "These days, he's on that thing every minute we're not working on a case."

They continue talking while Hotch remains outside his office and blocks his free ear with a finger to not hear their voices; he seems to be talking to someone friendly now, and his affect is more relaxed.

"Strauss asked him to supervise the teams while she's on leave" begins Rossi. "When she's in charge, the teams in the field don't call in; SHE has to call the teams to control what is going on... And at first, they didn't call Hotch, either, but Hotch has field experience: he gives them feedback, advice, support... So now, they're all calling him more and more to run things by him, and use him like an extra team member... He's the victim of his own success!"

"JJ, do we have a case, or not?" Morgan asks her again, trying to read her expression. It is obvious that she is not comfortable with the delay, but it doesn't appear to be for the same reasons as the others, he can tell...

"Not exactly," she answers briefly. The group, expecting more information to come, waits quietly as JJ looks at her watch, looks up to Hotch, then down to her shoes, then Garcia... Garcia is at present intensely scrutinizing Hotch and not aware of JJ's discomfort; their boss is still on the landing, trying to signal to the group that he'll be just a moment longer. Garcia, however, does not acknowledge him: she's wearing a concerned frown instead of her previous gentle smile.

"He's lost more weight..." Garcia seems to be talking to herself, but she then quietly asks the others: "How much would you say he's down... ten, twelve pounds?" They all turn to Hotch.

"Why would you think that?" Reid asks.

"His belt is down to the last hole, that's the second time he's tightened it since... since we lost Emily... and his shirt collar is too big, and he's floating in his suit..." Garcia explains. "I hope our boss-man is not sick..."

They look surprised; how could they have not noticed the change until now? Garcia tries to soften the blow: "You see him every day, I haven't seen you guys in over a week, it's easier for me to pick up the gradual changes..."

"I should have seen it," wonders Reid, puzzled that he missed the signs despite his perfect visual memory. _It's perfect, but not infallible, especially when I'm not 100% myself..._

"When is he due for his vacation?" Rossi turns to JJ.

"He was supposed to have some time off the same time we did..." She scoffs, remembering the days after her return: "I'd just returned to the BAU and already I had to go away on vacation! But I came in for a couple of days, to meet with Hotch and get back into the game; he had to stay anyway, to cover for Strauss, so... I think he's planning some time off after she returns. Have you heard when she's coming back?" JJ asks Rossi.

"I don't know." Rossi is quiet. He too is baffled by Hotch's appearance and his own lack of observation. He's been so involved with trying to help with the cuts... _Could that explain it? Or am I off my game?_

Morgan looks worried: "He's too busy to eat! And that's with JJ back with us... I thought your return would have lightened up his load. He does seem to depend on you more than ever..." JJ returns his comments with a warm smile, careful not to reveal anything about some of the real reasons she's been working with him in his office, lately.

"Well, you guys are just gonna have to feed him when you go on the road," Garcia concluded. "He can't afford to lose much more than he already has!"

"Are we? 'Going on the road', that is?" Reid wonders out loud, asking the same question, hopefully for the last time.

"No, we're not!" Hotch answers, approaching him from behind. Reid gets up to face him.

Afraid his phone will interrupt him again, Hotch begins right away. "I asked you to come in this morning because we were contacted by Interpol: Ian Doyle is back in town."

Hotch pauses to let the news sink in and sees by their faces that they are hungry for more details, especially Morgan whose features have suddenly hardened. JJ, whom he knows has already received a call from her friends at the State Department, looks actually relieved that she doesn't have to duck more questions.

"How do they know? When did he get back?" Rossi asks.

"Clyde Easter was taken last night. He had been back in Washington for a couple of days, incognito, still trying to stay under Doyle's radar. Somehow, Doyle found out that Easter had been tagged with a sub-cutaneous locating chip; Interpol's way of keeping track of Easter at all times. But Doyle obtained the frequency of the emitting chip and used it to locate Easter.

"Two groups of men cornered Easter and his body guard in an underground parking. They were both neutralized with Tazer guns and knocked out. The body guard was left behind, but they took Easter with them, after removing his emitter: the chip was found covered with blood, discarded at the kidnapping site."

They all know Emily Prentiss' colleague at Interpol, Clyde Easter, the only remaining member of the team that captured Doyle some years back, everyone else involved having been killed by Doyle, including Prentiss, along with their families.

"How did he manage to do that? I thought he was in hiding?" Morgan interjects.

"They're still finding out the details... I've been on the phone with Interpol a few times and they think that he has a mole selling him info, either at Interpol, or the State Department... He probably bought the list of codes and frequencies from an employee of the company that makes the chips. I guess he just ran down the list until he was led to Clyde Easter."

"Well, that's the end of Mr. Easter..." Reid comments, quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Hotch seems troubled, as they all are, at the idea that Doyle will probably torture Easter and kill him before anyone has a chance to rescue him. _But there is more that needs to be told._

He hesitates, as he thought they would be having this conversation in the privacy of the conference room. But he feels rushed, afraid to be interrupted by phone calls, again.

"Doyle was not only hiding, he was trying to find Easter," Hotch continues, "to get revenge, yes, but also to get information on his son. But Clyde doesn't know where Doyle's son is, no one does. He's probably been torturing Easter all night, and he'll soon realize that Easter knows nothing..."

Shocked, they look at one another...

"How did Doyle find out that his son is alive? We only found out ourselves the day... the day of the raid," Rossi wonders. "And how do you know that Doyle knows?" he continues, even more intrigued.

Hotch doesn't let anything show on his face, but looks at JJ. "Emily told JJ that... She told Doyle about Declan being alive while Doyle had her."

Rossi is about to say something, but instead, he lowers his gaze, slowly becoming more and more lost in his thoughts.

Reid, Morgan, and Garcia are disturbed by the announcement: Emily revealed to Doyle the truth about how she had faked his son's death and hidden the boy and his guardian from him? and she then told JJ, before she died...

Morgan wants to know from JJ what happened at the hospital the day Emily died, and why JJ has never told him that Emily had regained consciousness before her surgery, but Hotch goes on, speaking out loud as he follows a new train of thoughts:

"Doyle will not find out anything from torturing Easter... He will have to try and find someone who knows, or someone who can find out for him where his son is..." his voice trails off for a second, as he realizes that Doyle's next step will likely be to go after Emily's new team, their families...

"Jack!" Hotch is suddenly panic-stricken and at once ready to bolt, but instead, he goes to JJ: "Where are Will and Henry?"

"They dropped me off on their way to the park, they're probably just arriving now," answers JJ with a dry mouth. She can see that Hotch is trying to stay calm, but his usually soothing tone has given way to a sharp, authoritative sound. JJ is the only one following his rapid shift; the others are struggling to catch up, or do not accept, yet, his idea that Doyle could be a threat.

"Call Will, tell him to come back here right away. If you don't reach him, send agents to find them!" Looking at Garcia: "Where's Kevin?" he asks with the same urgency.

"He's upstairs, in his office..." Garcia utters with concern.

"Make sure he knows to stay in the building!"

"Wait, Hotch..." Morgan tries to interrupt, but Hotch addresses him and Reid with the same intensity:

"Your mothers and family are probably okay, they're out of town, but Doyle has contacts everywhere, you should probably arrange for police protection, to be safe... Did I forget anyone?" he scowls worriedly at Rossi who shakes his head in response.

"Don't leave the building! None of you!" and he runs off while speed dialing Jack's school office.

Rossi and Morgan exchange quick glances: they're not about to let Hotch leave on his own, not in his frantic state, and not without more explanations. They both follow him, Reid right behind them as he asks JJ and Garcia to check on his mother. The women send them off, promising to get protection for their relatives while they're gone.

The three men catch up to Hotch while he waits for the elevator. He is cursing his phone: no answer at the school, but he's already dialing the principal's office and the phone is back at his ear in a second.

"Hotch, I think you need to calm down and explain something to us," Morgan starts. But Hotch shows him a closed face, not interested in starting a conversation while he's trying to reach Jack's school. The elevator doors open and he jumps in.

"What are you doing?" he asks, irritated as his three colleagues follow him in.

"We're coming with you," Rossi's answer is a firm statement of fact; he is calm, but won't take no for an answer.

Hotch's frustration at getting answering machines at the school only builds as he knows that Rossi is making Morgan and Reid defy his instructions. Then it dawns on him:

"The fire drill! The whole school is empty; they're all out in the open..." The thought of Jack and the children making easy targets for Doyle's gang makes him sick and even more anxious to get to the school in a hurry. The others can see his anxiety climb another notch, but they still wonder if his worries are justified.

"What makes you think Doyle is going to come after us and our families?" Morgan asks him.

"That's who he is, that's what he will do. He'll be obsessed at finding out where his son is, and he won't care who gets hurt or what he has to do to find him," Hotch answers tensely. "He knows all of us; he's already completely destroyed the team that caught him and their families..."

"You've been working on his profile?" Rossi guesses.

"When did you find time...?" Reid wonders, incredulous.

Hotch acknowledges the fact: "During your holiday." He shakes his head: "Why didn't I think of it before now?"

"We don't know that Doyle is coming for us! Why would he assume that we know anything about his son?" Morgan is still unwilling to accept that Hotch is not over-reacting.

"Because we were connected to Prentiss, just like her first team... and because we have access to resources, to information he cannot get, so he will force us to work for him."

Morgan hesitates. Obviously, Hotch is not going to change his mind, and Morgan has made it his 'vocation' to cover his teammates' backs, so...

"You have the keys to the SUV?" He holds his hand out, waiting for Hotch to comply.

"Morgan..."

"Hotch! Do you want to start looking for a parking space once we get to the school, or do you want to jump out and find Jack?" asks Morgan, with a smug expression.

Hotch sighs and digs in his pockets to retrieve the keys. Rossi and Reid are both relieved, because today, they'd rather ride with Morgan driving the SUV.

* * *

><p>The ride to the school is not a long drive, but it still feels too long for Hotch, who urges Morgan to use the siren and go faster. Occasionally, he guides him along the way, knowing which streets to avoid, how to bypass construction sites, while still trying to reach the school on his phone.<p>

That's when the first wave of nausea hits him. It catches him by surprise, although he was almost expecting it, this is all too familiar to him: the frantic race down well-known streets, cell phone at his ear, his son in danger... He can now hear Hayley's voice answer the phone: "_Aaron?_" But the same ringing tone then returns and the memory dissipates.

He shakes his head, trying to refocus his mind; and it works for a few moments, but he feels the cold sweat starting to cover his face, the anxious shallow breaths getting shorter, and the new wave of nausea rise up. The memories and images flood his mind, he cannot block out any sordid detail of that fateful day, the day he lost her, Hayley, the day he almost lost Jack, too, the day he had to kill a man with his bare hands, the sadistic man who had stabbed him months before in his own apartment...

Morgan, despite being very busy at the wheel, looks worriedly in his direction. Hotch shakily grabs his sunglasses and puts them on, to try to give himself countenance, but redialing his phone is getting more difficult to do and he uses both hands before succeeding. Morgan, still peeking at him with concern, slows down the SUV and considers looking for a place to stop, but Hotch will have none of it:

"Why are you slowing down? Keep going!" His fury is tangible, but he is clearly struggling to maintain his focus on the present situation.

Morgan's eyes lock with Rossi's in his rear-view mirror. Rossi simply raises his eyebrows and Morgan, resignedly, speeds up again. Rossi, from the back seat, is watching Hotch very attentively. The younger man is pale, gasping for air, but still fighting to regain control. Reid is sitting behind him, but not missing any of what is going on. He mouths soundlessly to Rossi:

"P. T. S. D."

Rossi acquiesces slowly. They all remember the day the Reaper took Hayley's life and lost his. They remember the toll it took on their friend. Today has probably nothing in common with that day, except in Hotch's mind, but his friends are grateful that he's not left to drive alone, this time...

Rossi tenses his jaw: _He'll be all right, once he finds Jack... Won't he?_

As the SUV gets closer to the school, Hotch seems to regain strength. "Turn off the siren," he orders and Morgan gladly obliges.

"Turn left, here!" he points to a cross street. Two hundred feet ahead, they can see the school and its schoolyard buzzing with dozens of children, surrounded by a tall chainlink fence. They can see a double file of students walking towards the entrance door, while the others are waiting for their turn; all under the direction of the school teachers and the principal standing at the front of the crowd. As soon as the SUV stops, Hotch is out, but he refrains from running to not alarm the children.

Rossi orders Reid: "Stay with him!" and Reid quickly disembarks and follows his boss.

Their path crosses that of the next class of students as they enter the school. Reid hesitates; he approaches the noisy and cheerful kids who are moving forward without looking. Hotch somehow pushes through without hitting anyone. The young agent gets separated from him and looks on worriedly as Hotch addresses the principal and begins to explain his 'mission' to the petite woman.

Reid's attention, however, is soon diverted from the pair as he notices another black SUV parked on the street on the other side of the school yard. The man sitting in the passenger seat looks familiar to him, in a very ominous way. The brutish-looking man has not noticed Reid, his gaze is on Hotch and the principal, but his face almost immediately disappears behind a rising tinted window. Reid blinks several times as he soon retrieves from his mind the picture and name of the mysterious man.

The file of students has gone by and his path is clear, but Reid turns back instead of proceeding forward. He anxiously grabs Rossi and Morgan who are approaching and tries to make them less visible from the black vehicle.

"Guys, wait! There's a black SUV parked out there... Don't look! I've just recognized one of Doyle's men before he closed the window. I believe his name is Dale Short, "Shorty" they call him."

"Reid, man, are you su..." but Morgan doesn't finish his question, because, as always, Reid IS certain, and he is getting quite tired of Morgan's doubtful responses. He is about to glare at Morgan, but the agent looks apologetically to him and Reid accepts the gesture.

"Has Hotch found Jack, yet?" asks Rossi, suddenly concerned about the boy much more than he was a moment ago. They watch restlessly as Hotch, unaware that he's being observed, walks toward the far side of the schoolyard, to a group of smaller children standing along the fence. He approaches the woman in charge of the group, Jack's teacher, and shakes hands with her as she recognizes him and welcomes him with a surprised smile. They are standing near the dark SUV, which looks unoccupied because of its tinted windows, beyond the fence and sidewalk. Hotch gestures to someone in the crowd and they see Jack, at last, running enthusiastically toward his father.

"Act as if we have not seen them and hide me from their sight, I have an idea," Rossi commands. The three men proceed to meet with Hotch and Jack while Rossi calls Garcia on speaker phone and keeps his mobile out of view.

Fortunately, Garcia is in her office, having looked up the phone numbers of Reid and Morgan's relatives for JJ.

"Garcia! Can you get a satellite view of our position?"

"Certainly, that's a snap... Here we go, I've got you, sir..."

"Can you see the black SUV on the north side of the schoolyard?"

"I can see two black SUVs, one on the north side, one on the south..." Garcia answers.

"One is ours, but the north side SUV belongs to Doyle's men. Can you tag it and follow it once it leaves the area?" Rossi asks eagerly.

"Of course," answers Garcia, suddenly very alert. "However, my program is more static than the one they use at the State Department, or the CIA. I may not be able to follow them for long, and if I have to pull back too far when they pick up speed, I could lose them in traffic. Also, they have heat sensors and I don't, so they'll be able to tag the passengers and follow them if they step out of the SUV. Would you like me to ask for satellite support?"

"Yes, please alert them and tell them that a man working for Doyle, Short or 'Shorty', is in the SUV. They need to follow, but not intercept. I repeat, they must observe and not make themselves visible to these men. Hopefully, they'll take us to Doyle's hideout," finished Rossi.

"I'm on it."

JJ, who was listening in on the conversation, watches as Garcia is typing madly on her keyboard.

"So Hotch was right? Doyle is coming after us?" she asks, shocked.

"Looks like it, doesn't it?" Garcia points with her chin to the screen. The image with the schoolyard and the SUVs showing now longitude and latitude labels for Doyle's vehicle and the whole package being transmitted forward as quickly as Garcia can will it.

"We just have to be quick enough so that these guys don't take off before we're ready!"

"I'm contacting the State Department... let them know what's going on," murmurs JJ, as she picks her phone and leaves the room with a conspiring look on her face.

Meanwhile, Rossi is still concealing himself and his mobile behind the others as they meet with Hotch and Jack. Jack is happy to be with his father and the team, but he wriggles his hand out from his father's hold:

"Your hand is wet, dad!" he protests as he rubs it dry on his shirt.

Hotch is disconcerted for a moment and rubs his hands. "I'm sorry, Jack. Now, we need to get your things before we go, will you show us the way, please?"

"Sure, come on," Jack answers as he rushes in through the open door before the next group of students approaches, his dad close behind him. The agents follow them at a slower pace. Rossi has one last discreet glance at the SUV, as he steps inside, just in time to watch it pull out and leave.

"Garcia, they're leaving!"

"Do not fear, sir, we have them on our screens. I've got the feeds from both satellites as we speak. There are two passengers in the SUV, which is now headed west from its previous position."

Rossi smiles, relieved. "Thank you, Garcia. Keep us posted. We have Jack, so we'll be back soon." He looks to Morgan and Reid who appear as thrilled as he is.

"I can't believe we might finally catch a break on Doyle's whereabouts!" Morgan comments.

They catch up to Hotch who has not been paying attention to their activities. The man looks ill and distracted. He's located a boys' washroom and seems intent on going in, but he doesn't want to leave Jack alone. He smiles to his son as he requests gently:

"Jack, would you show my friends where your books and your lunch box are? Oh, and don't forget your coat!" Jack is racing down further the long hallway. Hotch watches him briefly, then shakily steps through the washroom door. He has not made eye contact with his colleagues since the drive over. Rossi would like to give him a moment to himself, but they don't have much time before Jack gets back.

"Go with Jack, I'll check on Hotch," Rossi orders Morgan and Reid.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I've got 3 reviewers! This is so exciting! Thanks to Jooles and hxchick for the words of encouragement, I'm honored! Merci newsyd: je n'avais pas pense faire une traduction, mais je le ferai, si il y a une demande... Mais comment mettre les accents?

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 3<p>

Hotch is staring down a small sink with both taps running. He seems lost in his thoughts and doesn't hear Rossi enter the boys' washroom. The sight of the miniature sinks low down the wall and the small stalls and urinals makes Rossi smile. Hotch looks like a giant next to the row of sinks, and the mirrors reach no taller than his mid chest.

"You think you'll be able to throw up in that?" jests Rossi. "You will have to kneel!"

Hotch swallows hard as he's trying not to get sick. He lowers his shaking hands in the running water, hoping to splash some on his face, but he stops and smiles derisively instead. The attempt is futile: he would have to lean over so low to not get his clothes wet that he could not keep himself from vomiting, and right now, he really needs to prevent that. So he grabs a paper towel or two and soaks them in the water before turning the taps off. He then dabs his face and neck with still very shaky hands.

"I don't know what I'd give for a scotch, right now..." he says without looking at Rossi.

"Did you hear the news? We have a trail on Doyle's men, maybe Doyle himself, thanks to you... and Reid," announces Rossi. Hotch's focus is at once back. He listens intently while Rossi retells the developments of the past few minutes. Feeling calmer, Hotch turns to face Rossi, his eyes bright with intensity. Rossi can't help smiling at what he sees there. _Our fierce leader is back!_

Hotch throws away the towels, adjusts his tie and thanks Rossi before heading out.

"Jack, how would you like to spend the day with us at the FBI?" he asks the boy, who is coming back with his things, helped by Reid and Morgan.

"Yeah! Yessss!" shouts Jack. He runs to his dad, while Hotch thanks the two men for helping his son. Reid can't believe his eyes: _Man, I wish I could bounce back that quickly!_ Morgan, however, is noticing the shaking in Hotch's hands and knows it will take a while longer for their boss to feel a hundred percent again. _But he was right about Doyle..._

* * *

><p>The next few hours at the FBI headquarters are unlike any the unit has ever witnessed. Garcia plays hostess to various members of the team, as they move in to watch the satellite transmissions, along with Kevin Lynch, who is also intent on following any development to the affair from Garcia's small office. JJ is occupied with phone calls to the State Department and with Will and Henry, who at times invade her crowded office and at others take over the BAU meeting room. The latter is where they all meet at lunch time, sharing take-out, joined by Reid and Jack.<p>

Jack spends most of the day in his father's office, doing his schoolwork at the coffee table, while Hotch works at his desk, or deals with delicate phone calls just outside his office, looking in through his inner office window to keep an eye on the boy and not make him feel too lonely.

Hotch is definitely feeling better and wants to forget the whole episode of 'panic' from earlier, but the physical symptoms are persistent: his nausea still bothers him and the shaking in his hands is an embarrassement, so he prefers to avoid the others and skips lunch altogether. Jack is the only company he needs and Garcia was kind enough to send a satellite feed to his office so he, too, can monitor the situation without having to join the group in her den.

However, Rossi is wise to Hotch's tactics and he grabs the chance to visit him while Jack is gone.

"Skipping lunch?" he asks Hotch as he enters his office without knocking. "That shake in your hands is not going to go away if you don't take care of your blood sugar levels..."

Hotch doesn't look up from his paperwork. "I have a six-year old in the next room if you're interested in baby-sitting..."

Rossi approaches slowly and decides to change his strategy.

"What do you think is going to happen next? If we find Doyle..."

Hotch sighs as he looks at the computer screen. The same image is still there: 'Shorty' and his driver have stopped at a restaurant two hours ago and have not moved since then. They look like blinking spotlights surrounded by several 'hot' spots, which identifies them among the restaurant crowd.

"I've been in touch with Interpol, the State Department, the SWAT team... they still have not agreed to let us participate in the raid on Doyle and his men, if there is going to be one... I'm waiting to hear from them."

"We don't have to ask for their permission! We're the ones who gave them this lead, we can just show up!" Rossi protests, but Hotch just looks back to him and chooses to change the subject:

"We were going to work on updating Doyle's profile, today. Why don't you and the others focus on that, this afternoon?" and he hands Rossi a file that was on top of his desk.

Rossi takes the file, but instead of leaving, he sits down in the chair across from the desk.

"Why didn't you tell us about Doyle and his son, about Emily...?" he asks quietly.

Hotch shrugs, seeming unsure. "I guess JJ and I did not think about it at the time. I later forgot about it, until JJ returned last month."

"So, that's why you started to work on Doyle's profile again," Rossi realizes. Hotch simply nods, his gaze low. _He's avoiding making eye contact again,_ notices Rossi.

"Why have you been avoiding me these past few weeks?" he asks, bluntly.

Hotch doesn't react, which puzzles Rossi who expected at least a denial. Then Hotch faces him. _Here we go,_ thinks Rossi.

"I don't know what makes you think I'm avoiding you. We see each other every day and, on Sunday mornings, we're both at soccer practice..."

Suddenly, the two lights on the computer screen begin to move and Hotch's attention is diverted to them.

The two agents watch intently as the men, or blinking lights, come out of the restaurant, walk to the SUV parked across the street, and get in. The SUV departs.

Hotch picks up the phone, while Rossi gets up: "I'll check on Garcia and the others..."

* * *

><p>Hotch finds the team huddled together behind Garcia, all staring restlessly at the computer screens. For the past hour, they've been following the two lightsmen as they left the city and took a country road until they arrived to a remote building twenty minutes later. The visuals reveal 3 SUVs near a large, exposed building, while the heat sensors show a small group of people inside the structure. Since they've arrived, the two blinking lights have been interacting with five other men/lights, going back and forth between two main rooms. One of the lights centered in one room has not moved from its position all this time.

They all turn their attention to the doorway as Hotch enters.

"Any news?" Morgan asks with trepidation.

"We can send two men 'to support and to advise' the raid leaders," answers Hotch. "Morgan, Rossi, I think you should grab your equipment and head there. They probably won't wait for you, although they said they were not quite ready to move in, yet, so you still have time."

"The longer they wait, the less likely Easter will survive Doyle's treatments," Reid interjects. He points to the screen: "We think Easter is still alive, because there's one man in the middle of the room who has not moved since Short and his colleague arrived. He's probably tied to a chair, or otherwise incapacitated."

"Do they have a visual on the men? Did they see Doyle?" Morgan enquires anxiously.

"No, they cannot confirm that Doyle is on the premises; that's why they're waiting. The building is isolated, and they have not been able to approach it without risking exposing themselves.

Hotch continues: "You both know the profile, they will be able to use you, but you may have to convince them to let you participate in the actual raid on the building. I wasn't able to sell them on the idea..."

"Thank you, we're on our way," Rossi signals Morgan and they both leave, while Reid sits again, somewhat disappointed to be left behind, but intellectually curious to see what the coming events will look like through the satellite feeds.

"I better get back to Jack..." and Hotch leaves Reid, Garcia, JJ, and Kevin to their waiting game.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Four hours later, they're still waiting.

The fatigue and restlessness is shared by everyone. Will keeps trying to cheer up JJ, with Henry's help, but she's often interrupted by updates with Hotch, or by phone calls with the State Department, and he is troubled that she's keeping these conversations very private, never explaining to him what she's working on.

During their frequent trips to the kitchen's coffee machine, Reid and Garcia observe a gradual change in JJ and Hotch. They look really tense, almost conspiring, yet refuse to confide in anybody else. At least, that's what Garcia and Reid have been gossiping about for the past few hours. That, and Reid told Garcia about the episode of PTSD that affected Hotch earlier. Just to kill time. They've also been calling Morgan every hour to check on him and Rossi.

The two agents in the field, armed with guns and Kevlar vests, are also feeling impatient, but through their involvement with the preparations of the raid, they have managed to become participants in the raid itself. The goals of the operation are to neutralize Doyle's gang and to find Easter alive. Hotch consults with them by phone, as he paces outside his office, watched with great curiosity by his son, who is getting bored with his activities, yet entertained by his dad's restlessness.

Earlier, Jack was playing with Henry after the younger boy finished his nap, but Jack wanted to return to his dad's office after a while. He showed his dad his best work, practicing writing down the letters of the alphabet; he later made drawings of everyone on the team. At present, Jack's face is stern-looking; he is focused on trying to understand what his dad is planning to catch the bad guys. Watching the little lights on the computer screen is more fun than instructive to him; yet, he strives to follow what is going on, while also trying to stay out of his dad's way. FBI work is serious work; he knows, he has firsthand knowledge.

And then, suddenly, it's a go. Everyone at the BAU is glued to a screen to follow the live action, monitoring the raid while it happens.

After creating a distraction on the roof, the building is attacked on three fronts, three simultaneous waves of armed officers and agents rush the gang as quickly as they can. They kill or capture 'Shorty' and his colleagues. Finally, they find Doyle: he is holding a gun under Clyde Easter's lower jaw and using him as a human shield. Easter is unconscious, evidence of multiple wounds and other signs of violence showing all over his face and body. Doyle realizes this could be his last stand, but knows that the five agents pointing their guns at him want Easter alive. Doyle would also like to come out alive from this situation, but he has a feeling his luck is running out.

Arguments to convince Doyle to let go of Easter go unheard for several minutes. Then, Rossi and Morgan enter the room, guns in their holsters; they slowly approach Doyle and the still unconscious Easter, while staying clear of any line of fire. They look defiant, confident, angry. Doyle knows who they are, but is not losing his focus; if anything, he seems even more intent on killing Easter.

"We are here to offer you something you've been looking for, Doyle," starts Rossi.

"No, we're not!" rebukes Morgan, staring angrily at Rossi. "We're not giving this S.O.B. anything!"

"I don't think we have a choice," replies Rossi as he maintains his gaze on Doyle.

"He's not getting anything from us!" growls Morgan, pointing to Doyle, but keeping his eyes on Rossi.

"Enough!" shouts Doyle, "this good cop-bad cop routine is not going to work on me!"

Both FBI agents now look at him and quiet down, waiting for Doyle to speak first. Their goal is to distract Doyle from Easter, whether by using loud voices or silence won't matter; they know they can draw his attention to them.

"Easter, here, says he doesn't know where my son is being kept. We've had a lot of fun together, haven't we, my friend?" he whispers in Clyde's ear. The man is unresponsive as Doyle grabs him tighter by the hair. "I know I had good fun with another common friend of ours," he adds, looking viciously to Morgan and Rossi, who both work very hard to not show any reaction to his allusion to Prentiss' time of confinement and subsequent killing.

"Easter is actually the only person who DOES know where Declan is," Rossi lies convincingly. Doyle doesn't react, but his desire to kill Easter is put on hold for a moment, as he tries to read Rossi's face. But Morgan distracts him: "How old is Declan, now? Eighteen, maybe? Would you even recognize your son, today? He would not know _you_! It's been many years since he last saw you, he was too young... And now, you'll never see him again: you were too stupid, just intent on getting revenge; you destroyed any chance of ever finding him."

Being called a fool for slaying Prentiss out of revenge, a woman he had cared about for a while, and the one person who knew for sure where his son was, makes him lose the little control he has left. Doyle's face is livid, anger and rage are overwhelming him. He wants to pull the trigger, his thirst for blood rising in him. For a moment he hesitates, not sure he might be repeating the same mistake again. Suddenly, his mind is made up; he moves his gun away from Easter to aim it at Morgan. At once, two gunshots ring in the room and two bullets hit Doyle in the head. He is dead before hitting the ground.

Within minutes, guns are cleared, Doyle is confirmed dead, Easter is released from his bonds, and the medics are brought in to treat him.

Rossi calls Hotch, Morgan calls Garcia. Morgan's call brings a sad, bitter-sweet smile to his face, as he confirms to Garcia that it is all over. Rossi's talk with Hotch brings up a frown:

"You want me to wait twenty minutes?" he asks, incredulous. "I know, but... Fine!" and he hangs up, visibly troubled.

"What's going on?" Morgan asks him with apprehension, after hanging up.

"Nothing," Rossi answers tersely. He looks at Morgan, "How are you doing? You're okay?" he asks worriedly, walking to stand near Doyle's body.

Morgan raises his eyebrows, trying to read Rossi and unsure of himself. "I'm fine." He walks to the body on the ground, sensing the adrenaline still rushing through his blood, yet feeling more subdued than expected. After a moment, he realizes that he is feeling disappointed. His face turns hard, angry.

"We got him, Rossi, but it doesn't bring back Emily..."

"You're still angry."

Morgan doesn't answer. He knows he needs more time to process, grieve, but at least, now, he has a chance to let go, one day. He turns to the medics and Easter; they discuss the injured man's status. After a moment, he turns to leave the room, expecting the crime scene people to take over the space after they leave, but he notices Rossi putting his hands in his pockets, not budging from his spot.

"Rossi?"

The bearded face is down, a shadow clouding the man's eyes.

"You're okay, man?"

The medics are carrying Easter out on a stretcher; they are now alone in the room, except for the dead body at their feet.

"I'm fine," he says with a clear voice. He hesitates. "Hotch wants me to wait twenty minutes... He says he cannot see for himself, so he asked me to wait... make sure Doyle is not going to survive this..." He cannot believe he just said these words; Morgan is not sure he heard him right either.

"He's going to call back in twenty minutes... well, fifteen, now..." adds Rossi, with a sigh.

"That's... paranoid! Is he that scared about Jack's safety?" Morgan wonders, incredulously.

"Maybe..." whispers Rossi. Something is nagging him about the situation, but he cannot put his finger on it. His initial reaction was to wonder if Hotch is starting to lose it, but now... He wonders if his boss is over-cautious because of other concerns... This is not the first time today that Rossi has had this strange feeling. Well, since he has fifteen minutes with nothing else to do but go over the events of the day...

* * *

><p>Upon their return to the BAU, Rossi and Morgan are surrounded by friends and questions. Everyone wants to know the details of Doyle's final moments. Relief can be seen and felt all around: they are finally allowed to leave the building without concern, and their loved ones are safe, once again.<p>

The group decides to celebrate together, but the decision to go out is postponed while JJ and Hotch are meeting in his office. Jack and Henry are with the group, and although the boys were given snacks a while ago, they are looking hungry. The meeting goes on longer and longer, and everyone wonders if they'll get to a restaurant, soon.

"How about take out again? Greek?" suggests Garcia. "We can all eat together in the meeting room, have beer, dessert... It will be fun!"

The men hesitate, but they want to stick around a while longer to find out what JJ and Hotch are discussing, and as the other staff are gradually leaving the floor to go home, they figure that they will soon have the privacy and space to both discuss business and then to let loose and relax.

"Greek sounds good," acquiesces Reid.

"And beer!" adds Morgan.

Will, Kevin, and Rossi all agree and Garcia quickly puts together a large order of Greek food.

"Take-out is faster," intervenes Kevin before Garcia places her order. "Why don't I go pick it up, instead?"

"Thank you, my prince, that's a great idea! I'll come with you, as soon as I've finished the call," Garcia promises.

"You're just coming to check that I don't mess up the order, aren't you?" protests Kevin, but Garcia gives him a wink and a smile.

"No, I also want to finally have a little _tête à tête avec toi._.. You've been in my office all day, but..." and she gestures with her head to the group nearby, signifying that 'three's a crowd'. Kevin offers an appreciative smile and follows her as she heads back to her den.

When JJ finally comes out of Hotch's office, she finds Will and Henry about to sit down for dinner with the rest of the team in the meeting room. Kevin and Penelope have just returned with the food and are opening and distributing the containers to everyone. They look up to welcome her, but are stopped by the sadness in her eyes. JJ quickly puts on an amused smile and erases any trace of her previous state of mind, but no one has missed the look.

"I was not expecting to find a feast, here!" she says cheerfully as she reaches for Henry and kisses his head tenderly.

"You look tired..." Will comments, but getting no response, he offers "'You hungry, yet?"

She nods, grateful, and sits down with them. "Am I, ever! Okay, let's eat, but afterwards, I'll drive you both home, and then..." she hesitates, "I have to go to the State Department, so if you don't mind, you'll have to put Henry to bed..."

"I'll do that, you know that's no problem," Will replies. Then, wary, he asks: "How long will you be?"

"It could be a while, I'm not sure," JJ answers, biting her lip.

"What's going on, JJ?" Morgan inquires.

"Hey! Food!" exclaims Hotch happily, as he joins the group and heads directly for Jack. "You must be hungry, buddy!" Hotch gently puts his hand on the back of his son and Jack nods energetically to his dad.

"We have tons of food for _everyone_, so here, help yourself," orders Penelope, as she places two souvlakis with trimmings in front of the chair next to Jack.

"Thank you, you're very kind for organizing all this. You'll have to give me the receipt for the food..." Hotch is already busy removing the meat from the skewers and cutting it in smaller pieces for Jack.

"What's that?" Jack points to the Greek salad.

"The white stuff on the tomatoes and cucumbers? That's cheese, feta cheese. You've had that before, don't you remember?" Hotch looks surprised to his son who is shaking his head and making a funny face.

"What were you two discussing for so long, may I ask?" Rossi enquires calmly, as he takes a bite in a fried calamari. Hotch looks up to him and sends a brief look to JJ before answering:

"We were on a couple of conference calls, regarding Doyle and his men."

"I thought this was all finished, now," comments Morgan.

"It is... but there are a couple of loose ties they're trying to... tie. It looks like they've identified the mole at Interpol, that's one thing, but they still want to determine Doyle's whereabouts prior to returning to the area and if there are more of Doyle's men who might still be out there..."

Penelope looks suddenly alarmed: "Should we be concerned?" and she turns to check on Henry and Kevin.

"No, no! It IS over..." both JJ and Hotch reassure the woman and the others emphatically, but Rossi obviously doesn't buy the story.

With a smirk on his face, he asks, innocently: "Do you want a beer, Hotch?" and he offers a bottle to the man across the table from him.

"Eh, no, thanks," hesitates Hotch for a moment, as he finishes preparing Jack's plate and starts working on his own.

_He's still on the clock, this is not over... yet,_ Rossi concludes. To confirm his idea, he offers again:

"How about that drink..." referring to Hotch's wish in the restroom, a few hours before. "I have a bottle of scotch in my office..." but Hotch sends him a warning glare and Rossi stays put.

A ring tone suddenly sounds, coming from Hotch's jacket pocket, just as he's about to put a forkful in his mouth. Dropping his fork, he grabs the phone and excuses himself after making sure the others will check that Jack finishes his food.

Morgan waits for him to leave and looks to Rossi: "Should I be drinking beer right now, or...?"

Rossi lightly shakes his head and takes a sip of his own bottle. He is planning to continue his conversation with Hotch, after dinner. _Unless I can talk to JJ..._

However, JJ is completely focused on Henry and Will, and the little boy is so entertaining with his approach to 'finger food' that he soon becomes the center of attention of the group and the mood lightens up, once again. Both children are full of questions for Spencer, who has a great time sharing interesting bits of information with them. Penelope and the others join in the fun, and the dinner conversation is full of witty banter and jokes.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: A shorter chapter...

Merci, newsyd pour le tuyau (accents)! Thanks all, for the reviews!

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

They all finish dinner, including dessert, and JJ hurries to clean up Henry now looking very sleepy. She soon departs with her family, planning to drop off Will and Henry home, then head off to the State Department. Jack also heads out to find his father, who has not returned to the meeting room since his phone rang. Jack finds him at his desk, looking pensive, staring out at the outside window, which is revealing nothing but the darkness of the night sky.

Jack walks to his father: "Why are you sad, daddy?"

Hotch picks up the boy and sits him on his lap.

"I miss my friend, but I'm glad you're here, with me," Hotch reassures him. "Did you have a good time, today? What do you think of the BAU?"

"It's much cooler than school!" answers Jack, emphatically.

Hotch and his son continue to discuss school, his teacher, and the BAU, while Rossi, who had followed Jack initially and briefly watched the father-son duo relax together, discretely returns to the meeting room and to the others.

Penelope watches him enter: "What should I do with Hotch's food? It's cold."

"I think he's forgotten about it. He's sitting with Jack, not even thinking about taking his son home... My guess is that he's waiting for yet another phone call. Why he's not waiting for it at home, I don't know."

"What should we do, leave or wait, too?" Reid wonders. "It's past eight o'clock..."

"I think we should go talk to him," interjects Morgan. "I don't know what he's waiting for, but I think he needs... He has not been himself today."

"I wanted to have a talk with him, but I don't think either one of us will have a chance to do that until Jack goes to sleep." assures Rossi.

"Where is Jack going to sleep if Hotch is not taking him home?" asks Penelope.

No one answers.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Jack is sound asleep on his dad's couch with a pillow and blanket, the office lights turned off, the only brightness filtering into the room coming from the inner window, through the open blind. In the office next door, David Rossi is pouring scotch for Spencer, Derek, and Garcia; Kevin left a while ago, late for a prior engagement.<p>

The team is waiting for Hotch to join them for what they described as a sort of 'Irish wake' to honor Emily's memory, while they actually are planning together to stage an 'intervention', or debriefing with their boss, who has been giving them many signs of not being as sure-footed as his usual self.

Hotch is on the landing just outside the two offices, keeping an eye on Jack in one room and on the group in the other, while talking excitedly on the phone with JJ. He seems to be receiving good news at first, and looks thrilled and relieved one minute, but then becomes very quiet and shuts his eyes with a resigned expression the next. He tiredly rubs his face and stands in front of the open doorway, looking at no one in particular; the team hear him say: "I promise, JJ."

"Finally!" exclaims Dave as Hotch joins the others. He pours him a glass and offers him a chair at the head of the coffee table where they are all assembled.

"I think you should turn off that thing," Derek points to the phone Hotch has put on the table as if it was dangerous.

Hotch ignores his suggestion and looks wearily at the glass waiting for him next to his cell. He suddenly looks too tired to even reach for the glass. _This is gonna just suck! _

"JJ asks that we keep a seat for her, she'll be joining us in a few minutes," he announces to the group. He takes a deep breath and lets it out as if trying to release all the tensions of the day. Then, he slowly stretches forward to grab the glass, his hand noticeably shaking as he extends his arm. He obviously is trying to control his gesture, and his inability to prevent the involuntary trembling is not lost on anyone.

"Why did JJ have to go to the State Department, tonight?" Spencer begins casually.

"Tying up a few loose ends..." offers Hotch. He adds more enthusiastically: "The good news is that's it's finally over! She'll be able to tell us more when she gets back."

Derek snickers at the declaration. His patience has reached its limits and he wants Hotch to know that they do not buy the lame explanations.

"What's really going on Hotch? What's going on with you?"

"I'm... I'm just tired. And I'd like to share a drink with good friends," he replies calmly.

"What did you promise JJ?" David asks quietly, staring at his own glass.

"That I... That we would wait for her."

"Wait for her for what?" asks Penelope, intrigued.

Hotch rubs his face, looks at the four faces staring back at him with a frown, puts his glass down and gets up:

"I'm going to check on Jack," and he leaves the room. They all react without a word, but with much frustration.

After a minute, David rises from his chair to see what is keeping Hotch. He finds him staring out at the bullpen from the landing, leaning with his hands holding the rail, just outside their door.

"Are you coming back in?"

"Yes," he answers.

"What are you doing, Aaron?"

"I'm taking it all in." _One last time._ Hotch lets go of the handrail and turns to enter the office, but feels dizzy for a second. With a frown, he looks down at his glass on the table.

"That scotch is quite powerful on an empty stomach... I think I'll go and check the fridge for some food..."

"Oh, let me!" jumps Penelope, "I've prepared a plate of leftovers for you, just sit down, and I'll be back in three minutes!" and she scurries out the door after giving a knowing look to Derek and the others.

The three men stare at Hotch as he finally gets back in his chair.

_No more stalling..._


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Hotch sits at one end of the coffee table Rossi has set up in the middle of his office, for the occasion. Spencer is sitting to his immediate left, and next to Spencer is the empty chair occupied earlier by Penelope. Sitting to his right, Dave is sipping from his glass, and Derek is sitting at the other end of the table directly across from him.

All three agents have the same determined expression, but Hotch is calmly waiting; he knows that someone is about to start the 'inquiry'. It is not lost on anyone that, normally, their team leader would never let himself be questioned – and profiled! – by the group this way. Either his defenses are down, or there is a hidden purpose behind this submission.

"Hotch, man, what are you still doing here? Look at you, you're exhausted and your son is asleep on a couch in your office. Why aren't you going home?" Derek asks him, trying to show concern instead of annoyance at the man's avoidance and stubbornness.

"I told you, I promised JJ I'd wait for her," he answers quietly. "But what about you, Derek? How are you feeling? I'd hoped catching Doyle and his men would bring... closure for you?"

Derek's face hardens; he clenches his jaw and looks irate at the question. _He's stuck, and still hanging to his anger,_ concludes Hotch.

"Why do you keep staling or diverting the attention from you, Hotch? You're afraid to talk about what happened to you, today? Your PTSD episode?" he replies, more aggressively than he had planned it, but the mention of the earlier incident while en route for Jack's school obviously resonates with the others. This is a topic all three men wanted to approach with him.

Hotch frowns with surprise, "PTSD? What PTSD? I was _panicked_, maybe, but not..." he stops dead in his tracks and his face slowly drops as realization suddenly comes to him. After a second or two, he turns to Spencer, "It's been two years, and I've never before..." Turning again to the others, he looks apologetic: "I'm sorry. If this had happened while on a case..." and he shakes his head, reproaching himself his failing, suddenly scared to think about the consequences of such an episode at the wrong time and the wrong place.

"It doesn't matter how long it's been, two years, ten years, the memories can be triggered at any time," Spencer begins. "I know that we've dealt with a lot more stressful situations than today's over the last couple of years, but when we were driving to the school, you were not just triggered by a situation that reminded you of what happened before; today, you were repeating somewhat the same events... It's not surprising it affected you, in those circumstances... Plus you're tired..."

"Hotch, don't worry about it. If it had happened during a case, we'd have covered your back, you know that!" Dave tries to reassure him.

Hotch looks to Derek, who takes a second to think about it and nods his assent to Dave's statement, but Hotch shakes his head. He knows he cannot let this happen ever again; he cannot put the lives of his teammates at risk. _It may all be over, anyway,_ he suddenly remembers, his right hand reaching to feel the content of his jacket's left inner pocket.

"Today was a good day: we did our job, we kept Doyle from hurting more people, we found him and his men, and finally put an end to his cruelty," Dave purposefully turns to Derek, "and we all made it back in one piece. I call that a very productive day. Now, please, can we have tomorrow off, because I really need a break..." he adds with a smile to Hotch.

"Here, here!" adds Spencer, rising his glass.

"I've already taken us off the duty roster for the next two days, and yes, JJ knows" replies Hotch, dryly.

"Good," spits out Derek, still tense despite his efforts to be calm. Hotch looks again to him, trying to read the young man who has his own challenges to deal with.

"You are still angry, Morgan."

"We may have closure, today, but that doesn't change what happened," he answers back, roughly. "So yes, I'm still angry, and I'll stay a while longer."

His reference to Emily Prentiss' death is not lost on the group, and Spencer and Dave exchange a sad look.

The men sit in silence for a while. Dave then decides to go on the offensive, again.

"Why was it so important to you that I keep watch over Doyle's body, to confirm that he was gone and not ever coming back from the dead?" he asks Hotch with a sarcastic tone.

Hotch rubs his eyes and hesitates. A thin, derisive smile appears on his lips as he knows how strange his request was. _Where is JJ? I'm running out of time, here._ The sound of a woman's footsteps approaching answers his silent question, and he looks up to the doorway with hopeful expectation.

Penelope walks in, bearing a plate of warm food and a smile that changes to confusion as she sees her boss' disappointment at her entrance. She looks around and notices the mixture of gloomy countenances and serious affects and apologizes quietly for her interruption. _Apparently, the 'intervention' has begun. _

She puts a paper napkin and the plate on the table, pushing Hotch's drink out of the way, and the savory aroma reaches everyone's noses.

"Thank you, Penelope," the man thanks her gently and she gives him a satisfied smile before returning to her seat. For an instant, he looks at the food, and his color wants to turn green again, but he forces himself to contemplate eating and fights the new wave of nausea that threatens to destroy his resolve.

He picks up the plate and napkin and using his fingers, he takes a bite out of a dolmades. Right away, his appetite returns with a vengeance, and he quickly finishes the first one and quickly grabs a couple more dolmades, unable to refrain from humming his contentment in the process.

"Great food! Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to offer you..." he stops chewing as he politely presents the plate to everyone and they all refuse, incredulous that he would once more try to deny himself sustenance while actually enjoying its rewards: a normal color returning to his face, his energy coming back...

_He_ _must realize that he cannot continue to starve himself like this, mustn't he?_ Penelope wonders.

"Are you trying to punish yourself for something?" asks Spencer, perplexed.

Dave is amused: even Reid is catching on to what he believes he's figured out. _I need to confirm my idea..._

"I think I'm going to head home now, I'm getting tired," David Rossi says, suddenly. And he is soon rewarded: they all look at him with surprise at his unexpected announcement, but Hotch actually blinks a couple of times!

"You can't go, yet, JJ is on her way," he tells Dave with a straight face.

Rossi holds back a chuckle: "That's okay, you can stay in my office, just lock up after you're done..."

"I'd rather..." Hotch hesitates, "I was going to ask you for your help getting Jack home, tonight."

Dave sighs. Now he is pretty sure that he knows what is going on. _He promised he'd wait for JJ, I can do that, too, and keep my mouth shut a while longer._

"I can stay a while longer; you'll need my help," David agrees, and he grabs the bottle to pour himself and the others more scotch.

"We'll all need your help, or a taxi, if you keep pouring this stuff," says Spencer, slightly tipsy.

"I'll keep pouring and you keep drinking, we'll figure out the rest later," answers David. Turning to Derek, he notices that the man is quite intent on drinking a lot more and a lot faster than the others: they needed their glasses to be topped, while his is empty for the second time.

"Let me rephrase that, I'll slow down the pace a bit, until JJ gets here," Dave offers, hesitant at refilling Derek's glass.

"I made it!" a new voice resonates behind him. In the doorway, JJ is flushed, flustered, but smiling. She looks like she has been rushing and burning the red lights to get there.

Hotch quickly gets up and grabs her hand, pulling her in, and offering her his seat, while Derek grabs another chair from the corner and puts it between hers and Dave's, for Hotch.

JJ sits down, puts down her cell phone on the table, careful to keep it in her sight, and takes the glass just poured by Dave. She salutes everyone and takes a sip, eagerly.

"Are you cold?" worries Penelope.

"No, I'm fine..." JJ thanks her."Thank you for waiting for me," and she looks at Hotch, gratefully.

He looks down, quiet, but happy to leave her the floor... for now. _Finally!_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Only two chapters left after this one. Warning: some cursing in this chapter and the last two.

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 7<p>

JJ takes a deep breath and slowly rubs her eyes with both hands; she then faces all her friends and colleagues who are looking at her, expectantly, and for a moment she can't believe that she actually asked to be put in this situation. Yet, she knows she is ready, having prepared her words a long time ago, and many times over. Slowly, deliberately, she begins:

"I have a confession to make... I asked Hotch to let me face you with this confession, knowing that it may cause you harm and distress, but hopefully, in the end, also joy and relief."

Everyone looks at her, with a mixture of confusion and alarm, except for Rossi who closes his eyes and bows his head, joining Hotch who is already waiting and listening, head down.

"Six months ago, I told you something that wasn't true. I was asked to lie to you, to help a friend, hopefully save her life, and although I regret having had to do it, I know if asked again, I would do it again, especially knowing now that it did save her life. I would do the same for all of you. You're my family; I would do and risk a lot for any of you. And I know you would do the same for me. So I hope you will, one day, find it possible to forgive... forgive my betrayal..." Looking at Hotch, "... our betrayal of your trust."

As if knowing what she is about to reveal, the group is stunned, with hurt and sadness showing in their eyes.

"Emily Prentiss did not die on the operating table," JJ continues. "She survived the interventions to repair her wounds, and although she had lost a lot of blood, she quickly stabilized after surgery and was transported immediately to another location." With a shaky voice, she continues. "She has been recovering in Europe ever since, living under assumed names, hiding from Doyle, changing countries frequently and whenever there was any concern toward her safety, she was forbidden to contact us or anyone she knows, to not jeopardize her life or anyone else's."

Seeing the tears rolling down Penelope's face and the red eyes staring at her, JJ tears up herself:

"I am sorry for having caused you this pain, but Interpol was very clear: if we did not swear to keep this from everyone and if we did not keep our word until Doyle was caught, they were going to pull the plug on protecting Emily, it did not matter when or how we messed up, they were not going to hide her anymore."

Penelope is still holding JJ's gaze with her own. She feels hurt, shocked, but her anger is mixed with hesitation as she finds deep regret in JJ's haunted eyes.

"Emily is... Can she come back? Have you talked to her? This is... so confusing," Penelope looks disoriented, but gradually, a smile appears on her lips. "Emily Prentiss is alive! My girl with nine lives is somewhere, out there! Where is she? Do you know?" Penelope is suddenly curious and excited. Hope is in her eyes, she refuses to feel the pain of her loss again, to feel the pain of betrayal; she only wants to move on to the good news. Everything else must become history to her.

Spencer looks at Penelope, mystified. He is not ready to move on this fast, despite his mind currently rushing through six months worth of thoughts and memories at incredible speed. However, he is not sure how he feels, really, and he is trying to understand the ramifications of what has just been revealed to them.

He turns to JJ, disbelief on his face; he cannot believe something like that could happen to him. Hotch, JJ, even Emily have all fooled him. Yes, he's been made a fool, by them... Yet, he suddenly realizes that put in the same situation, put in JJ's place, he, too, would accept the conditions of Emily's rescue. He would hate the whole situation: having to lie to his friends, to fake grief, to relate with them without letting on that he is hiding something from them, day after day, something big! But he would have to do it, to protect her. He would have to hurt his friends, to betray their trust. How could they ever forgive him? How could he ever forgive himself?

He looks at JJ and Hotch, and he recognizes the guilt on their faces, the remorse, the pain, the doubt, and the concern for him. He does not want their concern, however, nor their pity. He suddenly feels bitter and cynical, wearing these emotions like a shield, willing to use them like a weapon against them; and he knows that this is just a cover for the deeper feelings he is not ready to face. He wants to speak up, but his mouth opens in silence.

"Spence..." JJ whispers as she reaches to him, not in pity, not in concern, but with great tolerance and understanding, patiently, lovingly, almost motherly.

It surprises him, but he accepts her touch because it feels better, it melts the harsh mask he was ready to put on. He is not alone, despite his initial feeling of isolation; he is becoming aware that they all are struggling with the situation as much as he is.

Then he recognizes it, the deep feeling that was trying to hide underneath it all, it now resurfaces and grabs him like so many times before, the dejected abandoned feeling he had first experienced when his father left him, now returning because of Emily, because of JJ and Hotch. Even Penelope appears to abandon him right now, as she seems ready to move on to 'forgive and forget', while he is still wallowing through it all!

"Give me a minute..." he asks in a low voice.

Dave is shaking his head in disbelief, a faint smile on his face. _How could I have missed this for so long? I mistook their closed affects for grief! I did not believe JJ when she first told us Emily died, but I thought I was trying to protect myself from the pain, so I decided to believe her! What a fool! _

He looks to the others who are obviously still trying to process very violent emotions, including JJ and Hotch, although, as usual, the team leader is busy concealing his own emotions and following intensely the reactions of each of his team members with great concern.

Hotch looks like he wants to answer Penelope's questions, but he first checks on Derek who has been staring quite intently at JJ all this time, deliberately avoiding Hotch's gaze. Dave and the others are also looking expectantly at Derek, waiting to hear his reaction.

Derek is full of rage, sadness, and... relief! He might also be feeling joy, although at this moment, he is not quite willing to process this pleasant feeling, yet. He reminds himself that he was planning to hold on to his anger while grieving for Prentiss, and now that there is no need for that anymore, he feels cheated, oddly enough.

JJ has explained what she and Hotch did and why they did it, but understanding it and accepting it are two different things.

He had been angry at Emily for running off without letting him in, letting him help, but he had forgiven her, too, especially after finding her mortally wounded in Doyle's hideout. He used to think that only five minutes could have made the difference between watching Emily bleed to death and preventing Doyle from attacking her. He remembers wishing he could have had the chance to do something to save Emily. He had not forgiven fate for robbing him of that chance.

If he had been the one asked to lie and protect Emily, would he have done it? The old Derek Morgan probably would not have been able to do what Hotch and JJ did, but the new one, the Derek Morgan who, for the past six months, has been going over and over his failure to save Emily, he most likely would. Yes, he would have grabbed that chance to protect her from Doyle, and he would have found a way to deal with the consequences. _Is that how Hotch and JJ reasoned it?_

"How did you decide to do this?" he asks Hotch, with more venom than he expected to hear in his own voice. Hotch prefers to answer Penelope's question, first.

"We didn't know where Emily was, until recently. That's part of the problems we were dealing with today..." Hotch stops and calms himself down before he starts again. "Let me start at the beginning.

"When I first met Clyde Easter, he asked if I would take a pledge and swear to do everything in my power to protect Prentiss. I took the pledge, and then he swore me secrecy as he revealed his plan to hide her from Doyle by faking her death. I had my doubts about his idea. They had already faked her death once, as Lauren Reynolds, and Doyle had found out the truth; would he really buy a second attempt at deceiving him with the same con?

"Clyde Easter needed a secure contact at the DoD to coordinate with his people at Interpol, and asked me if I knew anyone who could take on the job. I told him about JJ, at the State Department, and he went to talk to her..." Hotch briefly looks to JJ who nods to confirm the meeting.

"When Doyle wounded Emily and then escaped, Easter was ready, and he told us he was going ahead with his plan. We agreed that since Doyle had 'killed' Emily, he would be more likely to buy her death. She was barely conscious when Easter told her what he was doing for her. He did not give her much of a chance to say no. After the surgery, she was taken away, and then sent to Europe for her recovery.

"She had to give up everything and everyone she knows, live alone, keep moving, for what could be months, if not years. I cannot imagine what it has been like for her, not knowing if Doyle would ever be captured, or if he would suddenly show up on her doorstep.

"When Clyde Easter was captured last night, Interpol sounded the alarm and she went underground: she had to move out of her location at once, without warning, and leave the country she was in. She had to relocate and contact Interpol within 24 hours, but until she did, we did not know where she was, if she was okay, or if Doyle's men had found her..."

"That's why you were so upset before dinner," recalls Penelope.

"Yes, that was a nightmare!" said JJ. "I had to go to the State Department to use secure communications and try to find out as much as I could as to what was going on out there. That, by the way, did not go well with Will, since I still was not allowed to tell him anything, either. I'm going to have some serious explaining and apologizing to do when I get home…

"Anyway, she finally resurfaced, in London, over an hour ago. She was told that Doyle is dead and to check in with the London office for debriefing. She will be told what has transpired on this side of the Atlantic, and I'm hoping to get a phone call from her some time after ten..." JJ looks at her watch and her phone with some trepidation. It has been a long day, emotionally exhausting, but once she knows Emily is fine, it will all have been worth it.

"There is something we need to address before we talk with Emily, or before she comes back to Quantico," Hotch adds with caution, softly, but authoritatively. "I know how unfair it sounds for me to ask this, but I need you to be open and candid about this situation, about your thoughts at this moment..."

"You want to assess us, Hotch? Again? Are you f... kidding me?" Derek is outraged and rises from his seat with great agitation. "How dare you? After the number you played on us last time!"

Penelope and Spencer are shocked by Hotch's request and by Derek's reaction. Dave does not look happy, either.

"We ALL need to talk about this, JJ and myself included. If not, can you imagine what will happen when Emily shows up? If we all unleash six months of grief and anger on one traumatized, isolated person all at once? I don't want a bad situation for her to be made worse by us!"

"'A bad situation'? Who's fault was that?" Derek bites his lip, realizing too late that he spoke rashly. He sits back in his chair, understanding the need for this group talk, but not thrilled about it.

Hotch notices that they all feel rather tight lipped and unwilling to begin the process. _Is their self-censorship a result of their distrust in me? _He looks to JJ, who is distressed by their reactions. She has already spoken up frankly about her role and her feelings. He cannot ask her for more.

"Why don't I start?" he offers, but no one replies.

"I feel guilty for hiding the truth from you, for having inflicted suffering you did not deserve... that no one deserves; for misleading you into thinking I was also grieving her loss, and for having tried to isolate myself when I should have been supporting you. I am sorry and I apologize, although I know that mere words are rather insufficient, and probably won't help."

Still getting no reaction from anyone, Hotch sighs and reaches for an envelope in his inner suit pocket.

"As JJ said earlier, I would make the same decisions now, if I was asked again, especially knowing what I know, and how Easter's plan worked." He looks down at the envelope: "However, success comes with a price, and I knew from the beginning that if we were successful in catching Doyle and bringing back Emily one day, that price would need to be paid."

He throws the envelope on the middle of the table, which startles the others.

"I am offering my resignation as team leader, as of right now."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: At last, the chapter that justifies the title of this story... Let me know if this works for you...

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><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

"I am offering my resignation as unit chief, as of right now."

"No..." hesitates Penelope.

JJ swallows hard in disbelief, and stares at the envelope. Spencer shifts in his chair, suddenly even more uncomfortable and fidgety than he was a few minutes ago. Dave rubs his goatee, wondering how serious Hotch is, with this risky 'gamble'.

Derek, suspicious, manages to speak for everyone: "Why?" he simply asks.

"Several reasons: first, a team needs to be able to trust their leader, to trust his judgment, his decisions, or people get hurt; I will not allow mistrust to cause injury, or possibly worse, to anyone.

"Second, once Chief Strauss and the Director hear of this, they will want my head on a platter... or at least, Strauss will..."

"You have fought Strauss before, you can be up for the fight again!" protests Dave.

"Third," Hotch continues, "our current budget limitations would not allow Prentiss to get her spot back on the team. Although I am not privy to her future plans, I'm hoping she will want to rejoin the unit once she's returned and has had a chance to recover from her ordeal. Seaver's departure did not improve our budget circumstances much, but when I leave, because of my years of seniority, this unit will recuperate enough for Prentiss and at the same time..."

"Hotch, you don't have to do this: I was about to tell you this morning that I've figured out how to solve this 'budget cuts' problem. I will be happy to give you the details tomorrow morning, if you want," intervenes Dave.

Hotch gives him a puzzled look, but returns to his enumeration after a moment:

"Finally, knowing that I am not your boss as of right now, and that I may not even be on this team at all after tomorrow will hopefully make it easier for you to speak frankly and openly about what happened. I do have one condition, though, with this resignation: I suspect Morgan will be offered the job, possibly Rossi as well, although I don't think you would want that position on a permanent basis, would you, Dave? Either way, if one of you becomes the new leader, I expect you to welcome Prentiss back on the team, if she wishes, but it's a condition you probably will have no problem with..."

"You're walking away from this?" Derek asks, angrily.

"You're giving up on us?" Spencer accuses Hotch. "Walking out, and leaving us to manage on our own?"

Hotch doesn't reply. He simply observes his possibly soon-to-be former colleagues, very intent on listening to their reactions, and waits for more comments to burst out. His mutism alienates the men even further, and they furiously begin by first disapproving of his decision, then of his reasons, and move on to accusing him of being too stoic, too cold, and calculating, unfeeling...

"Enough!" shouts JJ, putting a hand to her forehead, as if to ward off a coming headache, but Hotch reaches to her and appeases her.

"This is what I want, JJ" and he returns his attention to the group. Penelope is crying, overwhelmed, but trying to regain control; Dave is flustered, but manages to remain quiet despite growing impatient with the ludicrous scene developing before his eyes; Spencer and Derek are both angry, but projecting their anger differently.

Spencer is now feeling insulted, hurt, and agitated; he scorns with derision Hotch's attempt to facilitate a dialogue by resigning his post: "You think this is going to help, really? You think Emily will be happy that you left because of what happened?"

Derek is angry, but attempting to regain control his emotions by pacing, then grabbing the back of his chair and slamming it on the floor, then pacing again...

"Okay. You want to know what I cannot 'get over', Hotchner?" he begins, not looking at anyone. "Why I'm pissed off by what you did? It's not the lying about the fake death, and the games, and the hiding, or _protecting,_ as you called it... I know I would have had to do the same thing if I had been in your shoes. No, that's not the problem. Although..." He waves his finger at him, "although if it had been me, I would not have kept it secret for six months. I would have told you, man to man, after everything settled a bit, when it was safe to tell us the truth..."

Hotch frowns at this, but continues to observe quietly.

"No, the thing I can't stomach, that makes me ill, is that fake support you gave us during the 'grief assessments'. Remember? 'I feel the same way you do, Derek, I miss her, too?'" he adds, imitating Hotch as he repeats his words. "How could you? How dare you ridiculed us and mocked our grief like that?"

Derek's burning fury hits Hotch from across the room. He lowers his gaze and only takes in a deep breath, without much more reaction. Hotch then looks at Spencer, who is tight lipped, but looking back at him, eyes filled with hurt and rancor.

With great intent, Hotch slowly gets up, and walks to Derek. The young man is still pacing like a wild animal in a cage.

"It never was 'safe to tell you the truth'. What if we did tell you Prentiss was alive, and then she was killed, should we have caused you to grieve her loss a second time? Or, would it have been fair to ask you to switch from grieving her loss to waiting without knowing where she was, whether she was safe, or wondering if you would ever see her again? Should we have run the risk of being exposed as having broken our oath and jeopardizing Interpol's protection? Or worse, accidentally reveal to Doyle that she was still alive?" his voice, at first gentle, is growing louder with frustration.

Derek is slowing down his pacing; he is regaining self-control, but also shutting down. Hotch can see Derek avoiding his gaze, retreating, and closing up. This is not what he was hoping to accomplish; he needs to go on the offensive, or Morgan will not move on, and neither will Reid. The young man is listening and watching, apparently calmer, but definitely following Morgan's lead.

"Is it your ego that got bruised? Is that why you're sore?" suggests Hotch.

Derek looks at him, bewildered. He then warns Hotch: "Get away from me," and he turns away.

However, Hotch continues: "You'd rather continue to feel sorry for yourself? Waste everybody's time, give up on helping Emily?" he accuses.

Derek cannot believe his ears. He knows Hotch is trying to push his buttons, but he is outraged that he would stoop to ridicule to get him to react. Hotch decides to push his unfair comments even further.

"When you'll lead this team, will you be focused on protecting your feelings? Your ego?"

"What?" Derek protests in disbelief.

"What are you really, Derek? A mama's boy?"

The reaction is so fast, so swift; Hotch expected it, but still gets surprised. Derek grabs him, spins him around, and rams him into the wall so brutally that Hotch bangs his head and his breath is knocked out of him. The all jump to their feet. Derek's fist is up, ready to strike the man's face, amid cries of fear and angst coming from Penelope and JJ.

However, as both men hit the wall and the violent shock travels like a wave up his arm and through his whole body, Derek Morgan feels it wash over him, matching and counteracting his anger, and defusing the ticking bomb he had become.

Derek pulls away and releases Hotch, who struggles to control his breathing, but signaling to the others to stay put, as he quickly deepens each breath. Derek experiences a sudden calm that quickly soothes him: the body tension lessens, his muscles relax, the mind cools down... Like by magic, he feels like himself again.

"I'm sorry, Hotch, are you okay?" his concern is genuine, and he reaches to Hotch with his natural caring. Hotch nods hastily and Derek is relieved.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN, OKAY?" shouts Dave Rossi, arms widespread, before looking at the others and realizing they all look much calmer than he does. He drops his arms and looks down at his empty glass on the table. _I better slow down, too! That scotch is hitting hard!_ And he lets out a self-deprecating huff.

JJ cannot suppress a little smile and is dying to tease David, but she notices Hotch's worried look. He gestures to her to check his office: "Jack… Would you...?" he hushes, slightly out of breath. She quickly leaves the room to attend to the boy.

The tension in the room is gradually replaced by exhaustion. Everyone is growing emotionally weary with the long day and the improvised group session. Penelope is rubbing the tiredness off her face and heavily lets herself fall in her chair.

Spencer's restlessness has disappeared; his emotions have finally caught up to his reason. "You wanted to protect Emily from this, to deflect any accumulation of emotional charge away from her. I think you were right: we, as a group, would have been way too overbearing on Emily."

Several eyebrows go up and Hotch moves to approach Spencer:

"You're okay, Reid?"

Spencer nods, a tight, contented smile brightening his face.

"You were right; I was feeling Emily deserted us, voluntarily or not. I felt resentful." He pauses, and then starts again at light speed: "Honestly, now, I'm just thrilled that she's alive! I can't wait to see her again. It's unbelievable that she will have a chance to rejoin the team and we'll be…"

"Kid, slow down, please," Dave interrupts the fast debit of Spencer's discourse. The older man has regained his seat and is rubbing his temples tiredly.

JJ returns to the group. "Jack slept through it all, did not hear a thing," she reports to Hotch. "What about you, how are you feeling?"

Hotch does a visual check on Penelope and the three men, and seeing that their mood has shifted, he frowns:

"I think we're all getting tired, but we've only covered half of our issues. We still need to talk about grief…"

"Hotch, you can't defuse six months of grief and emotions in one night!" disapproves Derek. "And seriously, what will Emily think if we're all so cool when she gets back… she'll wonder if we've become indifferent to her during her absence!"

Before he can answer Morgan's silly question, a loud rumbling erupts from his stomach and interrupts the conversation.

"To answer your question," he turns to JJ, "I'm famished."

They all sit down again and Hotch eats his plate of now cold food. Spencer makes a grimace, looking at the few sips left in his glass.

"I don't think I should finish this," he says, "we're not really having a wake anymore, are we? And I'd rather not feel drunk by the time Emily calls," and they all agree they've had enough.

Penelope suggests: "Tea? Coffee? We don't know how long we'll have to wait…"

They move to the kitchen to prepare cups of tea and coffee, JJ carrying her phone with her. The group returns with their cups full, a pot of coffee, one of hot water, and sugar, milk, and tea that they put on the cleared table.

When Hotch catches up to the others, having finished his plate and cleaned up, he notices the envelope is missing. "Where's my envelope?" he looks around the room but finds nothing.

"Were you serious when you said you'd resign, or were you just trying to cause us to react?" Derek answers him.

Hotch doesn't want to discuss his internal battles with him. He did not want to resign; he just felt he had to offer to do it. Instead of revealing his inner debate, he asks lightly:

"What, I did not look serious? Do you think I was making it up?"

"You're not that good of an actor," JJ tried to joke. "That's how I got stuck with the dirty job, at the hospital."

"True enough," concedes Hotch. "I can hide the truth, mislead unsubs, play politics, but when it comes to outright acting, I'm not always able to pull it off…"

"You were pathetic, is what you were," JJ continues, trying to rile Hotch, while the others have a semi-horrified look on their faces.

"You were pretty convincing," murmurs Spencer to JJ, desolately.

"It was awful, awful…" remembers Garcia.

JJ can see the sadness return to the group, but she is still determined to lighten up the moment.

"You should have seen Hotch trying to practice his announcement. You'd think you were watching a piece of wood address a bunch of trees."

Everybody freezes. Penelope cannot hold back a smile and then a chuckle at the absurd image JJ created for them, then her contagious giggle spreads to Derek and the others; even Hotch cannot refrain from joining their merriment.

"Okay, so, where is the envelope, seriously?" he inquires after a minute, looking around him.

The teammates are exchanging looks of complicity, amused at the idea of prolonging Hotch's discomfort.

"There's no envelope," offers David.

"What do you mean?"

"We mean, don't worry about it," replies Derek with a dismissive shrug.

"I have to worry about it, I cannot have it lie around the office," argues Hotch.

"It won't turn up," asserts Spencer.

"Why?" Hotch replies, suspiciously.

Slowly, deliberately, Penelope pulls out a torn piece of the envelope from her pocket. She holds up a quarter of it in her hand. Then, three more pieces are revealed, held by the three men around the table.

"Can I have these back?" Hotch requests, hesitantly.

"No, we're keeping them as a reminder," Penelope replies softly, but with determination as she puts her piece back in her pocket.

A short silence falls on the group. Then Derek adds, holding his piece up: "In the future, whenever we have the feeling you're lying to us, or hiding something from us, we'll have this to remind ourselves that you most likely have a very good reason for doing it." And he smiles as he and the others put their pieces away.

JJ looks to Hotch with a sigh of relief. He looks subdued, mouth gapped open, left speechless and deeply touched by the unexpected vote of confidence. Gratefulness is overpowering him: of all the possible ways he had imagined the team could react to their secret, this is one outcome he had not dared let himself hope for.

JJ's cell suddenly rings out.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: The conclusion to our story! One more agent needs to put everything behind her and begin the healing process…

Thanks to the people who reviewed, I tried to follow a suggestion from Ecda (I added a couple of lines…) for this last chapter (the toughest to write, actually. I'm not sure I'm happy with it, but I don't want to delay posting the ending, so, here goes nothing!).

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><p><strong>Quote: "Some tension is necessary for the soul to grow, and we can put that tension to good use. We can look for every opportunity to give and receive love, to appreciate nature, to heal our wounds and the wounds of others, to forgive, and to serve." – Joan Borysenko<strong>

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><p>CHAPTER 9<p>

Startled by the ring coming from JJ's cell, all eyes turn to her and her mobile. JJ quickly picks up her phone and answers.

"Jennifer Jareau… Yes! Wait, wait! The whole gang is here, let me put you on speaker…" and JJ puts down her phone after turning on the speaker feature.

"Can you hear me, Emily?"

"I can! It's so GOOD to hear your voice! You have no idea what it means to finally be able to speak with you!" answers the familiar voice through the phone.

"I can only imagine, I'm sure!" replies JJ with a joyous, but shaky voice.

"Emily, sweetheart, tell us how you are!" intervenes Penelope.

"PG! My friend! The last time I heard your voice was when you left a message in my voice mail… If you knew how your words touched me…" Emily chokes, fighting the emotional onslaught that threatens to make her cry. "I'm sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't… I'm okay, don't worry. I'm a bit tired, it's quite late, here, and the last few hours have especially been challenging, but I've basically been resting and recovering for the past six months, so… I feel like a lazy bum when I hear what has happened to you today."

"They told you we found Doyle, of course," Dave says.

"Dave! Sweet Dave, yes, they told me a little what happened, that you rescued Clyde Easter and Doyle was killed. Do you know how Clyde is?" Emily asks.

David looks to JJ who answers for him: "I've checked with the hospital earlier. He's still in ICU, but he has regained consciousness and is doing better than expected, the doctor said." She makes a funny face, knowing the information is not very explicit.

"I'm not surprised, Clyde is a fighter. I'm so grateful to all of you for what you did."

"Doyle only got what he deserved," Derek throws in, with a trembling voice.

"Derek, is that you? I've missed you so much… I miss all of you! I am so sorry for the way it all happened. And Derek, you…" She cannot continue, but after a few seconds, she manages to speak again, "I made so many mistakes…" Emily declares apologetically. "When did you all learn the truth… about me…?" she adds.

"We got the good news about an hour ago, Emily," volunteers Penelope.

"What? Guys, you must be feeling so… shocked, hurt… Please don't be angry with JJ and Hotch! They only did what they did to help me. It was all my fault, really. I did not want to involve you in that mess, but I should have realized, you already were… I messed up so badly…"

"You only did the best you could, dealing with a sadistic-psychopath-intent-on-personal-revenge," Derek replies. "I'm sorry, I wish things could have happened differently, too," he adds, sorrowfully.

Emily is silent for a moment, but they can hear her sniffle.

"But we are all relieved that you're okay, and that you're coming back, soon, aren't you?" Spencer jumps in.

"Dr. Reid!" cries Emily. "Yes, Spencer, I'm hoping to catch the first plane out of here, back to Washington. I don't even want to spend another day in London! Oh, Spencer, I cannot find the words to apologize…" Emily begins with contrition in her voice.

"Water under the bridge, Emily!" Spencer interrupts her, slowly, deliberately articulating each word, with hints to the woman that apologies are not necessary, which surprises her.

"I, hah... I wasn't expecting… I was not ready for… I had actually prepared myself…" interrupted again by sniffles and sobs, she stops for a moment. They wait, most of them also fighting tears or struggling with lumps in their throats.

"Be prepared to receive one gigantic hug when I see you, Spencer" she suddenly returns, "I must warn you, all!" she adds with a laugh.

Spencer nods with a grin, "I'll be happy to return one right back at you!"

"Thank you! Is Hotch there?" she asks. Hearing his name, Hotch turns to the phone and swallows hard.

"Hotch? Say something!" begs Emily.

"Something!" replies Hotch with a hoarse voice. They hear a chuckle on the phone, then she adds more seriously:

"I heard about what happened, how Doyle sent his men to Jack's school… Is he okay?" she asks with anxious trepidation.

"He's fine, don't worry!" reassures Hotch. "He spent the day here, at the BAU; he had a ball!"

"I'm so sorry, Hotch, I had been trying to avoid something like that from happening. I knew Doyle would come after us… Everybody associated with me… Do you think he found out that I was hiding from him? Maybe Clyde told him I was alive…"

"I don't think so. Doyle was looking for his son; he probably questioned Easter about that and nothing else…" Hotch answers.

"Well, poor Clyde knew nothing about Declan's whereabouts. I made sure no one at Interpol knew where he is."

"Will Declan be told about his father's death?" asks Penelope.

"Yes, he will, but I'll do that myself. I don't know who his actual mother is, so, he's basically an orphan now, but I'll take care of him and make sure he's well looked after. He's living a normal life with his guardian, and he's happy; there's no need to change anything. It will be nice for them to know, though, that they don't have to fear his father finding them anymore.

"Speaking of family, have you talked to your parents, yet?" Dave enquires.

"My mother is actually in London right now. She's meeting me at the airport before I leave... I was worried about you, guys; I just needed to know... how you were all doing with the news and everything that happened…" They can hear her chuckle, once more: "I'm still wearing the sundress I put on this morning, in Madrid! It's all I've got left; that, and my raincoat!"

JJ comes to her rescue: "We have all your clothes and things in boxes, at your mother's, don't worry. We will have to find you a new apartment, though…"

"Thank you, Jayje. And there's Sergio!"

"Who is Sergio?" asks Dave, intrigued.

"My cat! I had gotten myself a cat, when I thought I was finally having a more stable life…" she chokes. "How ironic is that?" she adds, before crying again, then laughing at herself after a few minutes.

"You're getting your life back, Em, all of it, don't worry," Penelope consoles her, while smiling through her own downpour of tears.

Dave, with red eyes, looks to Hotch: "You had nothing to worry about, the grieving session is proceeding very well," he whispers to him. They both smile and join the sniffling party happening all around them.

Spencer, having finished his coffee mug, reaches for more coffee as he asks: "Where and when are you lending tomorrow? We'd love to be at the airport to pick you up!"

Emily gives them the details, as they cringe while Spencer is pouring excessive amounts of sugar in his full mug. They whisper to him: "You won't be able to sleep!"

Spencer jerks in surprise: "Sleep? Do you think YOU'll be able to sleep, tonight? I won't! My mind is going to go over every detail of the past eight months, there's no chance I'll sleep a wink!" and he drinks a sip, before adding more sugar to the cup.

"I heard also that Ashley Seaver has left the BAU?" Emily begins again.

"Yes, that's correct, she left a few weeks ago" answers Hotch.

Dave cuts in: "There's room on the team for one more agent; I bet you'll be looking for work once you get back and have rested for a while…" entices David, while quietly reassuring Hotch, who is frowning with concern.

"I've been resting for months; I'm bored out of my mind! Except for the constant threat of being discovered, I haven't had much to keep me busy out here. I had to lay low, avoid the touristy places, and go home every night. I've been training, regaining my strength, my weight… Well, I'm still a bit thin, so don't be surprised when you see me, but my appetite was not great for a while…"

Everyone can't resist turning their gaze to Hotch, who is suddenly feeling very self-conscious in his loose clothes. _Damn! Of course, they noticed. What did I expect?_

"… but I'm back in shape. I'm ready to go after the next sleazy scumbag… I just didn't know if I should dare apply for a job at the BAU! And Strauss will probably not trust me with a job, ever again…"

"Strauss will not be doing the hiring, this time," Hotch suggests pointedly, referring to the way Emily had been hired by Strauss when she had first joined the unit.

"Oh, man, could it be possible? Oh, guys…" Emily sighs. "Well, whether or not I do get to work with you soon, the first night I'm back, I want you all on the town with me. I'm buying!"

"We definitely have to party!" Penelope shouts in reply. "Our girl is back!"

_The End_


End file.
